Monday, November 20, 2006

I Love My New Place!!!!

Hello Everyone!
Well I'm getting moved into my new place. I really like my new roomates. Jan and Ally. Its cool because yesterday morning I got home from work and sat in the living room and visited with them. It was cool because I would never have even thought of doing that at my last place. Marie was quite the B****. We really did not get along.
We started talking about depression and such and we could really relate to each other. I think it will be good to be able to interact with them. Its nice to have people who understand me and I can understand them. I have a lot of friends who tell me to "just get over it" Its really frustrating. When you are really depressed you can't "Just get over it" or "change your attitude."
It really sucks because I can't buy anyone christmas gifts this year besides my intermediate family. Thats the best part about Christmas is being able to buy people gifts. I love getting people gifts. I hate being poor. I can't do anything fun. IT SUCKS MAN!!!!
My aunt wanda is trying to help me with my budget, which is fine. The only thing is she doesn't understand the fact that with depression and borderline personality disorder comes the trait of impulses. She doesn't understand my need to buy things once in a while. Sometimes I just have an impulse buy and I HAVE to buy something. Not many people understand that unless they have been there. It kind of sucks. I just don't how to stop spending. If I have money I like to spend it. Sometimes I have to make a choice to buy things or to cut myself. If I spend money than I don't always have to cut myself. I get in trouble either way so it kind of sucks.
I can't wait. I get to see my counselor today. Her name is Peggy. She is really cool. I think she will actually be able to help me. I now understand what Rachel Reiland meant in her book "Get Me Out of Here" She could not wait to see her counselor each time. She would count each day until the day until she was to meet with her again. It was like it was the only thing holding her together. That is kind of how I feel with Peggy. Its like if I had to miss an appointment, I wouldn't know what to do. Does that make me crazy? I really hope not. I guess I'm already crazy, so I guess it really doesn't matter if that makes me more crazy.
People tell me I'm not really crazy, I just have somethings I need to work out. I don't I guess thats true. I just feel crazy alot. I wish I could just meet a straight 6 months, everyday, all day with Peggy and get things over with. Instead of meeting an hour and than having to wait another three days. Its like just 14 hours and 18 minutes. UGH!!!! I'm at work now. In about two hours I can go home and sleep. That will take up most of the time.
Well thats about all here. Not much else is happening today.

Talk to you all later!!!!


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